a loveletter

my love,

i'm seeing someone now. it's been a while since you left to study abroad. what happens to the love i promised you? i don't know. Am i being unfaithful? i guess i am. have i already forgotten about you? i guess, i'm really trying hard to.

mylove,

you told me many times that we are not for each other. we are men. we can never be together. you told me you were just thinking of what was best for both of us. you told me, as a asked you many times, that you love me but fraternally. you told me i'm the best of friend you've ever had. you told me that indeed i love you and i loved you more than the way you were loved by your ex-girlfriend.

but you told me to look for another one. you wished that i find true love and happiness. i told you, you are my one love and my true happiness. you did not reply. you chose to change the topic of our conversation. i guess you were thinking i were a fool or you were so good looking i just can't let you go. you are right except for the 'or'. i am crazy for you. and yes, you are the most gorgeous guy in my entire world that revolves around you.

my love,

i told you i totally understand our situation. i totally understand us. we just can't go out holding hands and celebrate the happiest best thing that can ever happen to a human with a heart. I told you and i said it is okay but you just wont tell me you love me, not fraternally. i don't understand that while we've shared bed, while we've shared passionate kisses, while we've slept and waken up holding each others hand or tied in a hug, while many times our bodies ceased to be seperate and moved as an organic one, we always ended up not talking about it.

my love,

i could have crushed your every argument. i could have shamed you for each of your belief. i could have rubbed the stain in my bed in your face. the creation of our very first night, the stain, your stain. but i just didn't. i just couldn't. i love you this much but i can't seem to know where to start to understand.

my love,

i'm seeing someone now. isn't that what you've always wanted me to do? have i forgotten you? i'm trying really really hard.