love of siam

i don't want to be an emo. but please excuse me this time.

finally, a closure. it's been a week since it happened. after a long time of no communication, i chanced with my "boyfriend" in ym. we spent hours of talking about just anything. suddenly, he said he misses his country so much. taking it as a cue, i asked him if he missed me. he didn't say yes nor no. all he said was, "let's forget about it." "Forget about the past," he said.

forget about our past. forget about what happened to us. forget about what we shared. it was a very fitting end to our hours long conversation. a conversation of nothing. an exchange of words just to avoid the thing that we ought to be talking. about us. about our relationship.

it didn't come without warning. it didn't come unexpectedly, but still it hurt.

he said it many times. he loves me. but he loves me no more than a brother, a very especial friend. he loves me but it was all that he could give.

he asked me to find my true love, my true happiness, a girl. he asked me to move on. but he never talked of what, move on from what?

now, he has spoken. he has acknowledged of a past. he had talked of the word we never spoke of. in a sweeping manner, he talked of my universe. he talked of the whole world that i've been living. in a very sweeping manner, he called it a past.

surely, my emotion last week was more than enough to move me into a deep thought. to reflect. to ponder. to try to understand. it was more than enough, in fact too much that i got lost in the train of thought. it was too much that i didn't know what i was feeling.

then, there came "love of siam" giving me a mirror of what has happened. it brought my thoughts back. it gave me understanding. finally, it gave me closure.

"i can't be with you as your boyfriend. but, it doesn't mean that i don't love you." love of siam ended with these lines. what followed after where just tears. i cried with mew.